Your Demons, Your Fight

Your Demons, Your Fight

Funny thing is, he never calls back. It could be his fault, but he wouldn’t ever apologize. He finds an excuse to pick fights and never seems to fix things. That’s how he has always been, same old, same old. I think I have a type: I actually think everyone has a type. My type? JERK. 

I’m only nineteen. He’s barely twenty. I agree he has a lot going on. But so do I. What about my feelings? Just because I am still in college, with no serious job, and apparently because I have no aspirations, and my idea of a productive day happens to be editing perfect content for my YouTube channel, that is only three thousand subs strong – does that mean I don’t matter?

I remember reading The Secret and trying with all my might to make us go back to the way things were, almost willing things into normalcy, and I remember giving up. I remember overhearing my foster mama telling my foster dad that she was worried about me because I would spend most of my time shut in my room, uploading guitar covers, reading and waiting for Bryan to come take me out to dinner – until it became too much. But then when you don’t really have anyone and nobody to open up to, you conjure up demons in your head and you let them thrive and grow and you let them take over. And mine are bursting out of every pore in my body. I don’t know how to fight it anymore.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a filler.

I’m temporary. I’m disposable.

Some guys, they always manage to make you feel smaller than the smallest speck of dust.

Some guys, they always break your heart and break your trust.

Girls like me – we are just replaceable.

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Ode To This Thankless Job

Ode To This Thankless Job

You self-diagnose and you take meds

You come to me when the disease spreads

You’re terminal and there’s nothing I can do

You have no hope and I’m ridiculed.

Who’s to blame here, you or I?

Who’s to answer these questions why?

When you’re the one that’s Googled your stuff

Because you assumed that it would be enough?

You, who’s not even in the field of science,

You, who’s not up to date with the times

You, who doesn’t know the struggle of med school

You, who still treats me like I were a dumb fool

You, you think it’s okay to bash doctors online

You think bullying is okay, and that it’s fine

You think doctors only want your money

When you know that’s not it, honey.

What about practitioners that treat you for free?

What about Dr. Devi Prasad Shetty?

What about army doctors, Doctors Without Borders?

What about them, do you ever consider?

All you know is how to be a keyboard troll.

All you know is how to let the hatred roll.

You never understand what we go through.

Never a thank you, never a how are you never from you.

Pieces 

Pieces 

Ever had that feeling when you’re extremely into something and you know it’s not going to be in it for the long run? I have. And I know you probably have and I know you know how it feels. 

It’s crazy. 

It’s insane. 

Well. 

It drives you insane. And all forms of it. You want to scream. You want to rip your hair out by the roots. You want to gouge out your eyeballs and never see light again. You want to tear holes in your skin and you know it won’t hurt half as much. I know YOU know. I know you relate. I know it is something but we aren’t alone. That’s the whole purpose of conveying feelings, am I right? You have me and I have you and we have words to keep us all together. Bonded. Talking, talking and more talking, and not just to walls. 
I’ve been extremely happy this whole time. Knowing it won’t last. Knowing it isn’t mine to keep. Knowing I’m only borrowing feelings that should have been someone else’s. How do you look at someone who makes you this happy and be okay with letting them go because you can’t hurt them or their chances at a shot of happiness? That’s right. You just let go. You let go and pretend it never happened. When you’re craving love way too much and someone gives it to you, the whole nine yards, the whole package, the whole shebang but they come with conditions and they come with clauses, what do you do?

Tell me. 

#TBT – Med School Crushes, Chapter 4: The Last Leg

#TBT – Med School Crushes, Chapter 4: The Last Leg

India is in a state of reckless frenzy tonight. Everyone is glued to their TV screens, some happy, some upset, some seething, some stunned. In another part of the world, a friend is graduating. That’s happy news. Right? I cannot bring myself to post something that’s preachy or opinionated – at least not today – which is why, I’m going to talk about the last leg of my med-school crush saga.

I actually have two stories to share. I know I could have done a five-part series but I wanted to combine both the stories I’m going to tell you today. Both incidents (for the lack of a better word) happened within a couple months of each other, and both were hilarious and the said crushes were super aware so we have ZERO secrets here. And, well, here goes nothing.

I was an intern, and I was very much in a committed relationship, which literally means that I was probably cheating. But a friend told me it was okay to crush on people and that it was okay to update the crush list on the daily provided you weren’t actually cheating on your man. Look but don’t touch. Window shop but don’t make any purchases. You already have a man, remember that. So yes. There they were. Super healthy, super innocent crush saga, parts four and five.

The first time I went for my surgery rotation, I was the only intern for the first two weeks. The residents were nice and friendly. Both my residents never hesitated to help out when I was stuck with a problem. So it was all fun and games. And then another resident came along. He was kinda tiny, but jeez, he was hella cute. Not like a beautiful Roman God kind of cute, just happened to be somebody with a mega cute personality. I think I was crushing more on his whole vibe than him, the actual person. Let’s call him Scrubs. He was scruffy, but he looked nice with that kinda stubble and always talked about fitness. I was just getting into it and became super intrigued. MY resident was best friends with Scrubs and found out about my little crush one day. And he snickered evilly and decided to go rat me out. At this point, we had more interns join us and it was all a happy doctor party. BUT, everyone would tease me all the time. And at some point I literally un-crushed. This one ended really well, though . We became friends. And I don’t feel awkward, so hallelujah.

The last ever crush of my life, apart from my own man, would have to be this orthopedic resident we shall call The Hulk. He was a super nice dude. Super well-behaved and I had this HUGE crush on his wardrobe. Seriously, I kid you not, but I’ve never seen doctors that dress half as good. And his muscles – they were so phenomenal, and rippling, you’d need RM Drake on speed dial because those things need poetry. And background hoedown music. Billy Ray, give me a call, please? Thank you.

Guys, this is a well-known observation – a man that looks and smells good is someone that is always going to get those brownie points. Hash, and regular. Both. With icing, with whipped cream, with chocolate syrup, with ice-cream – you name it. All of it. All the brownie points and the add-ons. This guy deserves all those freaking praise-calories. Yes sir. This was something that again, ended really well because orthopedic surgeons are people I need to stay in touch with at all times (I’m a walking catastrophe) and the guy has become a friend to me.

That concludes my epic med school crush series. Thank you for sticking with me, and reading and laughing along with me. I had a ton of fun telling you about all of it. And if my man is reading this – baby, you know I love you best. And your biceps are going to have amazing music as background score done by maybe The Weeknd and poetry written by Sherman Alexie. Don’t be mad and don’t share this post with my darling momma or my momma in law. Bye.

Making Love To You 

Making Love To You 

Ever seen people get high on marijuana? They seem to be in a trance. They also can’t seem to have enough. 

That’s pretty much what it feels like, being with you. There’s this constant craving. This constant need to be close to you. This deep-rooted, insatiable thirst. This inexplicable feeling. I’ve never known my body would ever respond this way. I didn’t know emotions like this even existed. I didn’t know so much, until you. 

You make me want to do things I’ve never imagined myself doing. Like making you breakfast, for instance. I was the kind of woman that didn’t want to settle, but you make me want to kind of have an army of children. All miniature versions of you, brown-eyed, freckly, dimpled, even-toothed. All of them soft-spoken, kind, loving. 

Oh, how I love you! 

Everything about you is beautiful. Those hands. Those eyes. Everything you do, and everything you say. The way you hold me and the way you hold a conversation. When we make love, it’s like every love song come to life. It’s like seeing sounds and hearing colors, it’s as intense, it’s just as magical as that high people say they get when smoking up. Only this kind of high comes with zero side effects.  And all of this makes me wish it lasted forever. You know? I don’t like being the one that gets thrown out unceremoniously after you’re done with her. I don’t like being scheduled for calls. I don’t like you turning away from me, while I lie there, naked and ashamed. And look at the ceiling and the fan wishing I were up there hanging from a noose. Just so I didn’t have to watch you turn away from me and talk to her on the phone. If she was all you needed, you shouldn’t have fucked me over. That’s not love anymore what you feel for her – because if it were, nothing would have shaken you. Remember how distance makes the heart grow fonder? 

You’ve never loved me and I’m okay with that. But did you love the other woman either? 

(Found this in my drafts and decided to post it. My Gosh. This is way out of my comfort zone.)

Why THIS Could be THE Women-Empowerment Anthem The World Needs Right Now

Why THIS Could be THE Women-Empowerment Anthem The World Needs Right Now

Let’s cut to the chase, and ignore the title that was a mouthful. Halsey just dropped the video of her newest single, Nightmare, and it hits all the right spots.

The angry girl vibe is something we all needed right now. As a woman, how many times have you been victimized and then victim-shamed? When you’d gotten hate and lewd comments and told your people about it, how many had been supportive? I’ll tell you how many had been supportive – zero. If a man says something derogatory, it’s always the woman’s fault. The photo you posted was too inviting, that you were asking for it. And then they expect you to roll with it. Not anymore. Halsey’s lyrics echo every woman’s sentiments in 2019. How do you even smile when you’ve got nothing to smile for? Halsey gives off total Valerie Solanas vibes, channeling strong female rage, and I’m living for it. Plus, just how cool and well-shot is the whole thing? Take your GOT-obsessed heart and make some room in there for this masterpiece instead.

The symbolism is on point, and the lyrics are so powerful, they could potentially pierce your soul. “I’ve tasted blood, and it is sweet,” she says – If you’ve ever given your all to a cause, you would know exactly what she’s talking about. Again, there isn’t anything offensive and the message is clear, and it’s almost biblical.

In a world where a certain population of men still expect women to just be pretty, to just be seen, to only be decor, and to never be heard, this is a strong slap in the face for all those men. People still complain if you don’t smile enough, they tear you down for being bitchy, and they take you apart for being too perpetually pessimistic, and it stops here. You’re going to smile, but you need to be given a reason first. “I’m tired and angry, but somebody should be,” she says, because killing people with kindness isn’t cutting it anymore. She also talks about sexual freedom, body-shaming and finally, self acceptance.

The music video, directed by Hannah Lux Davis, features an all-women cast, including Cara Delevingne. Which is totally epic. This gives me a ton of happiness because it’s actually doing so well, and is going to become an anthem for the trodden, once more people listen to the song. She also draws a lot of inspiration from other female giants in the music industry, like old-school Lady Gaga, Rihanna and T.A.T.U.

I love the outfits too. Just LOOK at Miss Halsey. Swoon.

She’s been killing it lately, too. Collab with BTS. Collab with YungBlud. Which goes to show that if someone kicks you down, you can always get back up. The monster out there doesn’t have to win.

Have you heard Nightmare yet? Or seen the video? Thoughts?

 

 

 

 

Medical Monday: YOUR Myths, Debunked

Medical Monday: YOUR Myths, Debunked

People usually have a lot of medical myths that they’ve grown up following blindly. So I asked people on Instagram about this. And I picked six myths that seemed to be getting repeats.

• If you have hypothyroidism, you need to refrain from eating cabbage and also, soybean oil.

True.

Here’s why:

Thiocyanates, a sulfur-containing compound, make it difficult for the thyroid gland to absorb iodine and their effect can only be reduced when diet is supplemented with iodine. Vegetables like kale, radishes, sweet potato, canola, Brussels sprouts, and some cruciferous ones like cabbage, cauliflower and broccoli contain thiocyanates. Do the math.

Soy flavonoids, or soy isoflavones, restrict the enzymes needed to release iodine into the thyroid hormone. Studies have associated infants that were fed soy formula, with a higher risk of hypothyroidism and for later development of autoimmune thyroid diseases. Soy foods like as soybean oil, soy milk, tofu and other processed soy foods can decrease your thyroid function.

• Chewing gum takes seven years to pass through.

False.

Chewing gum base is indigestible and doesn’t stay in your body, yes, but it doesn’t stay in your body for that long. It passes through a couple days later. If you happen to get diarrhea from your chewing gum, check if it has sweeteners or claim to be natural. Some artificial sweeteners give you diarrhea because products like erythritol, a sugar alcohol, cause digestive issues when consumed in large amounts.

So how did this myth originate? Probably because concerned parents were afraid of choking hazards and gastrointestinal blockage and thought of ways to scare kids into refraining from chewing too much gum.

• Drinking milk after/ with fish or chicken, jackfruit, bitter gourd gives you diarrhea.

False.Taking chicken/fish before or with milk is said to cause vitiligo (leucoderma) which is primarily a condition caused due to melanin deficiency. The ‘white spots’ are caused when melanocytes stop functioning or die. Melanocytes are the cells in our skin, responsible for producing the pigment melanin, which in turn gives our skin its color. Scientists have been working to find the cause behind the condition and one of the most common reasons cited for the condition is said to be an auto-immune disorder in the person who is affected. Until now, no scientific evidence has traced links between the white spots and having milk after chicken.

Same goes for bitter gourd and jackfruit. The only way you’ll get diarrhea is if youwere lactose intolerant and didn’t know it.

• Eating loads of fenugreek makes you smell like maple syrup.

True.

Fenugreek is used as a galactagogue, to boost milk supply in breast-feeding mothers. If you keep increasing your intake when you’re feeding the baby, your urine and your sweat will start to smell like maple syrup. Some mothers notice a change within twenty four to seventy two hours, some show a change in a couple weeks, and some women find it ineffective.

Dosages of less than 3500 mg per DAY have been reported to produce no effect in many women.

• The heart feels emotions.

 

False.

Your heart alone has nothing to do with what you’re feeling. Mostly it’s your brain doing all the controlling. When you say your heart feels emotions, it’s just the surge of adrenaline that’s being pumped into your heart and accelerating the beats.

 

 

• An Apple a day keeps the doctor away.

False.

 

While there’s no denying that apples are healthy, because they’re low in calorie density, have pectin and vitamin C, act as toothbrush by cleansing your mouth, just apples alone won’t keep you disease-free.

You definitely need a balanced diet if you wanna keep the doctor away.

Photos from Google, and some of the information too. Had to double check my facts.

Distorted Reality.

Distorted Reality.

Thoughts become things, you said

And I tried really hard to believe it

But everything I stood for just crumbled

Into dust, and I couldn’t save it.

You said you loved me, you did

You swore to look out for me

You swore to protect and honor, you said it

And you did the exact opposite.

Marriage isn’t easy, I know now

Love isn’t easy if your heart isn’t in it

You only ever lied, I bought it somehow

And leave me lonely, you did, since the beginning.

I look in the mirror each morning

I put on my face for the day

I tell myself it will be okay

As I conceal the scars from yesterday

I’m only a toy, a plaything, I’m trash

I’m meant to be seen and never heard

What I want is just stupid because you said so

My dreams and my passions, all foolish.

Men, they change when they don’t want you

Men, they don’t love the way they’re meant to

Men, create and break rules as per their convenience

Men, who won’t let your body or your choices belong to you.

Footnote: there’s a heated debate going on. All over the world. About abortion. And we have creeps all over social media making jokes about it and also about things like rape, incest, harassment and retweeting hate tweets. Please make it go away. If you don’t fit into the narrative, don’t try to just barge in. That’s a simple ask.

Ten Reasons Why Birthdays Aren’t Meant to be Fussed Upon

Ten Reasons Why Birthdays Aren’t Meant to be Fussed Upon

Disclaimer: This is a desperate post written by an extremely hormone-driven emotional lady who’s about to have her BarfBirth-day next month.

1. They’re a waste of money:

Seriously. If you had so much to spend, why not donate some to charity? If you don’t wanna spend on charity, go traveling instead of drinking (and puking) all that money down.

2. Cakes are bad calories:

And you don’t need me to tell you that. Too much sugar, just too much everything. You’re not a Maroon 5 song.

3. Cards are a waste of environment.

Instead of wasting paper, maybe go and plant a tree? No?

4. Calling and wishing is dumb when one text would suffice.

I actually think it’s very inconvenient to call someone at midnight to wish them a Happy Birthday. What are you, fifteen? No, right? Leave a text it’ll be dealt with in the morning. I just really, really, really hate birthdays, you guys.

5. Only bloggers with Instagram husbands do birthdays.

Unless you’re living for the ‘Gram and you have a reputation to uphold, and you’re cold and bitter on the inside – in fact, so cold and bitter, that you need to seek validation involuntarily at all times from random people, you don’t need to be posting about your Las Vegas birthday extravaganza. The young audience has a mob mentality and also, they want to be like you, and they’re going to want such lavish parties too. It’s hella unnecessary.

6. Chivalry is kind of dead because we’re feminists.

We can get what we want. It’s twenty nineteen. You don’t need your man to go out of his way and get you things. Things are accessible, and disposable, memories aren’t. Make memories instead of having a guy or a girl break the bank over your special thirtieth birthday. Ugh.

7. Flowers look good on plants, leave them be.

How’d you feel if someone were to pluck your eyelashes out and turn those into eyelash bouquets because they’re pretty? Imagine how the rose bushes must be feeling when you pluck their flowers and turn them into damn bouquets. Not cute.

8. You shouldn’t celebrate anyway after you’ve graduated high school. It’s stupid and childish.

Just my opinion but it’s really dumb to celebrate birthdays when you’re getting older. Like do you not love yourself? Why do you need this loud reminder that you’re close to the tombstone?

9. It’s like every other day, you gotta calm down.

Most of us have regular jobs, and we work, even on our birthdays. Nobody declared your birthday as a national holiday. Now unless you’re a Christmas baby, or an Independence Day baby, or a Valentine’s Day baby, your birthday isn’t special. Me? I was born on June 25th and that’s one of the MOST meh days on the calendar.

10. Reverse psychology won’t work on family and you won’t get what you want anyway.

I’ve wanted a puppy for the longest time. I’m pushing thirty and I haven’t been allowed. And reverse psychology never worked. Take it from me, it won’t work for you either.

Okay, jokes apart. When’s your birthday and do you hate birthdays too? If yes, why and if no, why?

Brand New Controversial Launches, Part 1

Brand New Controversial Launches, Part 1

Okay, so consumerism is a bottomless pit and it’s growing like an infection that seemingly has no cure. Despite the fact that people go on “no-buy”s and “low-buy”s every so often, brands still launch new products every second, trying to shove products down people’s throats. And there’s a reason why many launches succeed – with the over-saturation of the market, people are always on the hunt for something new, and something unique – but this is also exactly why many product launches fail or become controversial enough to rile up the masses. Here are four products that stirred up a lot of controversy:

“Weed” themed products, some of which actually contain weed components.

Hemp has been used in beauty products since forever now. However, the whole thing exploded with Melt Cosmetics promoting weed culture like crazy. They did a Hot Box collection, which had some success so they piggybacked on that success with a campaign that actively showed people smoking weed, launching a whole new eyeshadow palette that was all green and called Smoke Sessions. This palette was overpriced and Melt has expensive shipping, but people STILL wanted it. Which is why, after testing the market, this “Limited Edition” palette that sold out earlier, became available for purchase again.

Milk Makeup launched their Kush Mascara, the key ingredient of which happens to be cannabis oil. Amid all the controversy, this mascara has now gathered a cult following because it works and there’s also a waterproof version. And no, you don’t get high from using it.

Makeup “that’s meant for men, by men, and for men alone”.

Patrick Starr and Jeffree Star are huge names in the makeup industry and they’re both male. And they never said that using “women’s” makeup made them feel weird or didn’t suit their skin. However, it wasn’t enough for this newish brand, War Paint for men’, who decided to use toxic masculinity to promote their brand. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to sell makeup that caters, exclusively, to men, a whole lot of questions arise when you look at their recent commercial: heavily tattooed man, sporting a skull ring, with zero camera shots to show how the makeup actually looks ON the face. The line features some very simple packaging – black with white lettering – and is meant to be hella manly.

There’s a whole article about it if you wish to read and it stresses on the fact that the line is indeed, doing something wrong. (Read it here.)

Kylie Skin.

Kylie Jenner, already a billionaire, with no formal training in cosmetic sciences, zero knowledge in pharmacology, chemistry – she even has no college experience – is coming out with a skincare line, Kylie Skin. The line has its own Instagram and it is dropping on May 22nd, 2019. Everything looks very aesthetically pleasing, featuring a millennial pink packaging. You have a gentle foaming cleanser, a toner, a vitamin C serum, an eye cream, a moisturizer among other things and also a scrub. The Internet freaked out over this scrub.

The line has already received a lot of backlash because of this walnut scrub which Kylie claims is safe enough to be used thrice a week. Any exfoliator, if used multiple times a week, will be too abrasive on the skin and cause micro tears and make you age faster. Now, people have been comparing this walnut scrub of hers that contains walnut shells, to the St. Ives one that had a lawsuit slapped on it. Nothing came out of it because there wasn’t enough evidence – but the Internet is still going nuts, literally, over the fact that Kylie is selling a St. Ives walnut scrub 2.0 at ridiculous prices.

There’s also the fact that she’s had multiple procedures done, making her skin look flawless, and that she probably doesn’t use her own skincare line.

Farsali #HaldiEyes.

Farsali is a brand created by YouTuber Farah Dhukai and her husband Sal Ali. They’re known for their overpriced facial oils and base products. As recently as yesterday, they sneak-peeked a new launch, with the hashtag Haldi Eyes – it seems to be a forty US dollar eye cream that’s easily replicated at home.

This is something I have a personal issue with. Brown Mums have a million DIY’s up their sleeves and turmeric plus yogurt is one of them. You mix in some organic turmeric with some plain, unsweetened curd and apply it to the face and let it sit for a good twenty minutes. You do this for a month or two, once every week, and your skin actually glows like crazy. It’s something I do on a regular basis. And it’s something Farah herself does. She even has a million videos about it. Just Google “Farah Dhukai turmeric DIY”.

Here’s where my problem is: why would you actually charge forty dollars for a product you could easily replicate at home? And why would you sell an eye cream at such a crazy price point? And why so little product? Brands are reaching, you guys. It drives me mad.